Monday, May 11, 2009

Marriage - Making it last

Marriage is a universal concept in any culture, ethnicity or religion; which basically means the sharing of life or living together of a couple in good times and bad times. Almost everybody knows the definition but the secrets of keeping it alive and longlasting is still beyond reach for some of us. It is so much easier to pop up the "bonding" question, to celebrate the beginning of you happy life together with relatives and friends, than to make this work for the rest of your life. It is in the beginning so blissful, ethereal and literally out of this world, but as time passes it feels like holding a sizzling hot iron bar and just a matter of time before it falls apart.

Perceptions of marriage

For some people it is like a fairy tale where a prince or princess meets his or her true love and lives happily ever after. Marriage for them is an end of living in solitude and a beginning of joy and pleasure of having a life companion.
For some people it is like The Matrix Movie where we are deceived to see it like a fairy tale but in reality is like a hell on earth. For them marriage marks the end of freedom. It is the beginning of living with torture, pain and suffering.
For some people it is like a new Lamborghini shining red hot, but as we leave in the hot sun without shade, it started to lose it's shine and become dull.
It's just a matter of time before decision to split and live separate lives comes.

What happened?
Well for a start we are misguided that marriage is a stage in life that everybody must go through and that it is full of happiness and excitement. But in real life it is a stage full of sacrifice, in which we need to compromise our objectives to bring up a happy family with responsibilities to our spouse and children we're bringing up. If you live in the society with active social life, then the temptation and challenges will be more trying if compared to countries with limited and closed social relationship where the divorce rate is low.
Another misguidance is when we're blinded to tie the bond of marriage solely based on good looks and good sex. That's the time when we feel like BAM!!! I meet my match made in heaven. As time goes by, the feeling starts to fade that we become less attracted to each other - due to physical deterioration and urge to look for new and greener grass. Marriage based solely on good looks and sex is hard, although not impossible, to make it last. We are tired and sick of so many broken marriages those that didn't work out, leaving children with separated parents. So if we're tying the knots for the first time, or given a second (or third and so forth) chance to do so, what should we do to make sure it works?

Why does a marriage fail?

Before we look for the solutions, let's look for the underlying reasons for dead-end marriages.

According to experts the common reasons are:
1. Lack of trust

2. Unprepared for the "big storm" ahead

3. Focus on other things in life such as career and quest for wealth, at the expense of marriage and family life

4. Third parties interference, whether its parents, relatives, friends or even getting involved in an affair or scandal.

5. Personal shortcomings that affects an individual's physical, emotional or sexual behaviour

6. Miscommunication a.k.a the "Pitfall of Doomed Marriage".
It started with small disagreement or comment, but if not addressed in the early stage will lead to unrepairable damage.

How does it start?
a) disrespect of the other party's thought in the tone that "I'm better than you"

b) misinterpretation of motive behind certain words or actions

c) closing doors for reconciliation and making up; by means of passing certain words (like asking to shut up) or doing certain action (like leaving the room abruptly) during argument, or by avoiding the reconciliation stage before it even started (like avoiding the topic during discussion or avoiding meeting each other).

7. Tired of the same routine, resulting an individual to look for external excitement or adventure through an affair or other things, neglecting responsilbility in the marriage

The secrets of a happy and longlasting marriage

How to enjoy marriage like it's your first night together everyday?
1. Be fully prepared physically, mentally and spiritually before you embark your journey in your marriage vessel to sail through the endless stormy ocean of temptation and challenges.

2. Communicate, communicate and communicate.
Avoid the "Pitfall of Doomed Marriage" by building trust in each other; and by sharing thoughts, feeling and ideas to get through hardships and difficult times.

3. Kindle love and affection like it is your first intimate time together. Don't let kids become an excuse. Find time, by hook or by crook, to have private intimacy time together, just the two of you.

4. Share pastimes, work out solutions and spend quality time together, and make it a routine.

5. Share joy and hardship together, in good times and bad times, till death do us part

6. Find loopholes in the law of nature.

We may not be getting younger, but there are ways to slow, if not reverse the process. Stay fit and healthy, look for solutions to sizzle up your sex life without the need for an affair, and discover new good things in your partner that will make your bond stronger.
A few things that might help to get your marriage going

Here are some of the things you can use to help turn the "excitement" volume higher in your marriage.

2. Learn the secrets to know each other better like never before

Good luck in your quest for happy and longlasting marriage.

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